Why It Hurts To Be The Second Option and What You Can Do About It
“It’s not me, it’s you.” It’s a reversal of what we’re used to. Let me explain.
The “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase has been a scapegoat since the dawn of time when dating by free will — as opposed to forced marriages — first became a thing (fact-check me; I didn’t research this).
This phrase doesn’t have to exclusively apply to relationships either.
Being the second option in any situation is like the anticlimactic ending to your favorite show.
It’s worse than the ebbing pain of stubbing your toe.
It’s the sidekick to heartbreak… because all heartbreaks are accompanied with some sort of cyclone of feeling second-rate.
So what can we do about it, besides crying in a corner or letting anger and resentment boil up inside of us?
Are you ready to get out of denial and face reality?
For real now.
Because the reality is:
You’re the second option.
But here’s what you can do about it.
Remind Yourself of Your Purpose
What are the core values you live by?
If you’re not staying true to those, already you’ve put yourself in the “second option” category: not to others, but to yourself.
The more clarity we have on our values and live by them, the faster the recovery is to act and see ourselves as the first option.
Become “ The One”
No. You’re not Neo from The Matrix.
What I’m saying is that you need to be the one to initiate.
The one to do the right thing, when everything is going wrong.
To call the shots in your life.
To be the one when it seems that life is purposely making it impossible to find “the one” in a sea of people.
It’s okay not to find “the one”.
You just have to be “the one”.
For That Matter…Stop Trying to Find the One
How do you know you have found the one?
Easy. It’s You. It has always been you. Here. Now. Forever.
It’s scary, I know.
But hopefully you’re willing to take a leap of faith — take a chance for once on the fact that all along you were always the one.
If you cry at all, cry because you didn’t realize sooner that the person looking right at you in the mirror was the one who could love you all along. *cue Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror song*
Fear Not. You‘ve Got You For the Long Haul.
It’s time to make a choice once you’ve realized that you are the one.
You’re going to be stuck with yourself forever. How do you want to spend it?
How do you become your own soulmate? What are the checkboxes for the “ideal’ you?
We can live without fear knowing that we are willing to commit to ourselves and live fully and authentic to who we are.
We don’t have to worry about being second choice when we become the first.
The first step is to choose yourself over the sea of people.
You are no better, no less than everyone else, and yet you are still your only option.
Choose yourself even when you feel like you can’t compete with the more monetarily successful, the aesthetically beautiful, or the seemingly better-at-life people.
To Sum It All Up
It’s not me. It’s you. It has always been you.
You are more than just an option.
No one can compare to you.
This is real love, because this is real you. There’s no better option.
With love. ❤